The Parasocial Let-Down
Surviving disappointing strangers on the internet
What a way for Swedish influencer and fashion brand founder of Djerf Avenue, Matilda Djerf, to start 2025. Djerf has come under fire with allegations from former employees, who have accused her of fatphobia, discrimination and other forms of workplace bullying including forcing one of her employees to clean her private toilet for apparently using it without permission.
Finding out that your favorite girl boss is horrible to work with is quite an unusual experience because even though on a logical level you know that the person you’re disappointed with doesn’t know you exist, you do feel like they are answerable to you. Anyone without any experience of forming a parasocial relationship online would ridicule you for expecting anything different from a person who just wants to sell clothes on the internet.
I can certainly sympathize as I think about the first time my internet ghost friend Leandra Medine got ousted by a former employee for a lack of diversity on her team for her Man Repeller blog but using the same platform to share antiracism resources at the peak of the #BLM protests following the death of George Floyd in 2020.
Man Repeller was a street style blog founded by Leandra Medine (now Leandra Medine Cohen) in April 2010 while she was still at college at The New School, NY. I had just downloaded Pinterest in 2016 after my sister came back from a trip to Paris where she got me a red sweatshirt as a gift. I was in desperate need of styling advice and that’s when I found pictures of her wonderfully styled outfits which eventually guided me to her blog. I loved it!
The articles on the blog from her and other contributors, who I follow to this day such as Harling Ross, injected quirkiness, fun and unique styling and made fashion and styling seem quite approachable. Her aesthetic felt relatable enough to mimic because even though it was quite clear that she came from a very privileged background, after reading her memoir Man Repeller: Seeking Love. Finding Overalls, her trending phrases of rocking an “arm party” presented us with a participation award in fashion. It isn’t an overstatement to say that whether dressed up or down, Man Repeller changed the way millennials were dressing the world over.
On a newsletter posted to her blog, Leandra announced she would be stepping down from her leadership role after shortly attempting a rebrand and name change to Repeller at a time when dressing to deflect the male gaze wasn’t a niche concept and 10 years after the launch of the blog, people didn’t need convincing. At this time, the aesthetic she had developed had become common place with the rise of influencer culture. Suddenly, you didn’t need to have blog running to be noticed, you just needed to post on Instagram. To us avid readers, finding out that someone who was so pivotal in developing our self-confidence and personal style could also be accused of serious racist practices was devastating. Announcing the rebrand was a move that was a little too late and it was clear that the brand’s original philosophy was indeed lost or hadn’t existed at all.
Followers of Matilda and consumers of Djerf Avenue are now battling with the decision of either unfollowing her on social media platforms and/or discarding garments purchased from her brand which ultimately serves no one.
Not a stranger to controversy, in October 2023, dupes of her most desirable summer berries pajamas from her name brand started to appear on Amazon and influencers who reviewed and shared links to the dupes were issued copyright strikes on their accounts. The move angered content creators because the brand itself has been scrutinized for selling clothing with similar designs from other brands.
So, what happens to a brand after the girlboss behind it no longer has the social standing they once possessed?
Take Glossier for example, the incredibly successful direct-to-consumer beauty brand founded by Emily Weiss. Weiss started a fashion blog called “Into the Gloss” in 2010 while working in Teen Vogue, thereafter, raising enough money to launch her beauty brand Glossier selling makeup, skincare, bodycare and fragrances. She was CEO for 8 years before her #Girlboss image began to tank after former employees accused her of racism and creating a toxic work environment. Glossier was forced to lay off workers and close stores citing difficulties experienced during the pandemic. In her stepping down statement shared on her Instagram, she appointed a new CEO, and the company is expected to continue on its upward trajectory. More on that story here.
For Leandra, after stepping down, her company closed its doors, even though this could also be credited to the decline of fashion blogs and the rise of influencers and Instagram. Enough time has passed, and people seem to have offered her redemption, evidenced by the launch of Cafe Leandra, an online shopping destination/ blog site in 2023, engagement on her socials and multiple partnerships to boot.
Matilda attempted a rebirth by posting an apology video to her Instagram story that didn’t go over well with her followers who thought it was impersonal given the severity of the allegations. She tried again with a video with her and her dog on Instagram but her comment section remains unconvinced of her remorse.
She has a long way to go to salvage any remnants of the parasocial relationship and what she will need is time. Getting cancelled has maybe offered her an opportunity for accountability but it is unclear if her audience prefers punishment or a change in her ways and ultimately salvation.
If Leandra and Emily got out okay maybe she will too.
“After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot.” - Carrie Bradshaw.